I feel like I am coming full circle. I have been struggling with my mental health for so long, and have been trying to patch the holes and cracks in my life, instead of fixing the foundation. Like a crack in a huge dam, that keeps getting puttied over and over - when instead the dam needed to be replaced.
I mentally snapped not too long ago, and damaged some bridges with friends that may be damaged beyond repair - but the silver lining is - it forced me to wake up and start being PRO-ACTIVE about my life and my struggles, and actually DO something about it, and FIX the problem(s) instead of crying about/ treating the symptoms.
I've started to go to therapy and am learning how to cope and to assess situations - and most importantly - I have been able to eliminate all needless stress in my life - which has been such an uplifting experience. I am starting to feel mentally competent and healthy again. Which is a HUGE relief.
Physically - I am still struggling. Nathan and I found out my cycle was so screwed up because of my hormones and a miscarriage that my body did not release... I had to go to the doctor and take some medication to force my body into 'labor' and was able to fully release the fetus... It has been very hard. And getting my hormones back on track since Orin was born - has been a real challenge. But I've started some new supplements and my hormone levels are back up! I've also been getting my thyroid treated - and am on a medication/supplements for that. I am really starting to feel better! I have no more insomnia - I can actually fall asleep when I get tired and sleep through the night... I have energy and PATIENCE with the kids. I've also been eating better and exercising more. I am not doing those things hard enough - but I have taken all junk-food out of the house and now that the weather is nice the kids and I have been taking walks and going to the park a LOT!
I feel emotionally drained - and spiritually drained - but I also feel I am on the mend and ready to be renewed. I've taken my pastor's challenge to read at least ten minutes of the Bible (doesnt matter where) before I leave the house, each time before I leave the house... I have been faithful at least once a day before I leave. Usually before I leave to get Isaac from school. I will make myself some tea or coffee, get out my highlighter, and randomly open my Bible and soak it all in.
I've been transitioning over the past few months, and these last steps, making myself and my health a priority has been so encouraging and fulfilling and I feel like a more complete person.
I am so ready for this new chapter in my life - and I am embracing all these new changes and looking forward to the future.