Trying out new churches is always an exciting and uneasy road... Will they be a Biblical church? Will the pastor keep you engaged and challenged to grow more? Are the people friendly? Is the congregation going to be cliquish? Will you be able to build Christian, Bible-based friendships and a community there?
These are just some of the questions, common questions that go through people's minds when they are searching for a church home and congregation to which they can belong... If they find a church they want to plug into and one where they feel they can call 'home'... they start to branch out and make friends. As a woman, I would often look to the Pastor's wife for help in this department... kind of like a den mother in a college dorm... perhaps she would be able to introduce me to people, be my friend in exploring this new community; help me find a place to fit in...
Some pastor's wives, do just that; they are very hands on with everyone, darting to a fro, like an angelic hostess of a party from long long ago... making sure no one is left out, that everyone is included. Others simply are pleasant from a distance, they have their established friends, and are kind to everyone but let the congregation do the work of inviting and engaging the newbies... While I have experienced all sorts of pastor's wives... some loud and energetic, other soft and still... I have never been a pastor's friend, or a pastor's wife's friend... I've been a congregant or an acquaintance, or had a family member be a friend to them... but I have never had the privilege of knowing a pastor on a personal level, outside of a Bible Study or service. That is... until now.
For ages, and from my limited point of view... the Pastor and his Wife, have always been "the standard" to achieve... they are always looked upon as the model of how our homes and hearts should be designed. They are godly men and godly women, who have a great responsibility on their shoulders and an unprecedented expectation of Christian Perfection. Sure, we all know they ARE human, but they must be so much more, right? When they get angry; they calm themselves... while they are tempted by things of the world, they are strong enough to not be swayed (but oh, when those pastors are... when they falter, how we are so quick to dismiss them as no longer men who have obtained a higher plateau of faith, but now... are muck beneath us)...
I must admit, I have been guilty of thinking these things about pastors (and their wives)... that because they have people's souls and households to help guide and encourage - that they must be above all reproach... that God must have given them such spiritual success and achievement that we can only hope to obtain... and those pastors who betray their God and their congregations should be shunned and dismissed for they failed... but how human, is a pastor (or his wife) allowed to be? At what point can their human nature no longer be tolerated? When does their humanity disqualify them to be respected?
I've always viewed my pastors (and their wives) from the outside; looking in... oh how perfect they all seemed, and even when they had rebellious children, they managed it all with such grace and dignity... I never saw the pastor lose his cool... and spit spiteful things at his wife and his children... I never saw his wife disrespect and humiliate him in front of a guest... I never saw the pressure of outside family matters swell him with despair and sadness so deep, he would fall to his knees and cry like a babe...
I never saw these things, until I became the friend to the pastor's wife. Being privileged to know her, as my friend, I have been privy to the beauty in their personal relationship... and the ugly. I've seen them fight, I've seen them repent... I've sat in awkward silence during an argument, and I've sat watching their marriage and family blossom before my eyes... I've seen the struggle to get dinner on the table, and get the schoolwork done with the kids... the chores and housework... I've seen the very same, and very real struggles in my own life and marriage, mirrored in hers. The fights with inlaws... the disagreements with adult children and extended family... I've seen all of it, the good and the bad...
And I realized something... I am in a place of great honor. I not only have the pastor's wife as my friend... but I am honored to be privy to those moments behind closed doors, where their humanity is revealed and their character is seen most clearly. Pastors and pastors' wives are people... and while we subconsciously know they are human, I think a lot of us, myself included, look at them with rose colored glasses... and when that humanity pokes through - we often look away disgusted or angry... and we shouldn't. We should instead view them with great sympathy and encouragement. They are facing the same struggles we are... the same temptations... the same marital problems, the same child-rearing issues - all of - and I think, sometimes more... I think they are scrutinized and idolized more than we realize. And we, are doing it to them....
If you are privileged to be your pastors friend, then you know what I am talking about... if you are a congregant or an acquaintance, I pray you would cut them some slack; and remember they are human too... Encourage them whenever you get an opportunity. Pray for them.... show them grace and love as you would like to be shown...
Being like your pastor should not be your goal... for they are as equally flawed as you. Instead, continuously striving to be more like Christ, should be the common goal you and he (they) share; on a road together; a journey of sanctification. And I am honored, to be on that same road, as my friend the pastor... and my friend, the pastor's wife....
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