How Are you? How AM I?

'Hi, how are you?' I hear them say -
Some with a smile, Others walk away...
A few shake my hand, with a nod;
Expecting the socially acceptable response.
'Good, Just fine, Doing well, and you?'
Conversation over; pleasantly nonchalant.
'Hi, How are you?' What a simple social greeting -
As it flows from their mouths - practiced without feeling.
'Fine, just fine, and you?' - I acceptably remark.
'Couldnt be better.' Again, it's over. Words cold and dark.
'How are you?' Echoes in my mind.
'How AM I?' I think, pausing for a moment...
Do they truly want to know?
Are they seeking my soul or expecting the status quo?
How AM I? I ask myself again,
Some days are good... others have no end.
'How are you?' How does one respond?
I feel lost and shaken, the earth crumbling at my feet..
I couldn't sleep last night.. I've had nothing to eat.
My hair is falling out from worry...
I only want a friend... someone whose question of
How I am; is sincere to the end.
How AM I? Repeats and repeats... as ripples across the water...
Spooling out from the boulder tied to my feet.
Sinking, sinking farther still... Water rising towards my chest.
Standing breathless; concentrating all my will.
How AM I? 'Oh I'm doing just fine'
No emotional trauma here. Everything is divine!
For if I was to say; exactly how I am, the boulder would be seen.
And that isnt acceptable;
It would make my existence and yours.. less pristine.
For you would have some responsibility;
Knowing the truth behind the lie;
And you have no desire to confront the demon's cave;
To reach in with both hands and save me from my watery grave.
So how am I? Pondering my response still...
"Good." I reply. The lie tastes bitter in my mouth;
Hidden behind my teeth, completing my charade.
"And you?" - 'Great!' I hear you say, as you tap my shoulder...
And then walk away...