I am starting a new season of life... I've felt the changes stirring for some time, but now I stand upon the brink.
I feel a great calling from the Lord to change. Not just my Spiritual walk with him, but everything, as a whole. And I see now that all this 'stress' in my life, all these people and circumstances causing/giving me grief are not my responsibility. They never were; so why am I allowing them to cause such a disturbance in my life? Honestly; I dont know why I was, but no longer.
I want to be refreshed in the Lord. To hold him and no other higher, to give him my cares and woes and to allow him to take care of things for me. I am tired of being tired. Tired of being stressed out, sick and tired of being undervalued and ignored by others. Its time to start being with people who truly care for me back. Who are investing in my life, as I have been and will invest in theirs. People who are reaching out in love and in Godly fellowship and care... it is high time I start filling my life with Godly women - and forsake those old friends/acquaintances who are stunting my growth in the Lord and sucking all my time and energy away from Him and my family. It is time for those things to change.
It is also time to change my priorities. While these women and men whom I've been spending time with, and hope to in the future, are important, they are not more important than my family and God. It is time I start to focus more on my children and my husband... not that I wasnt before - but start to make them my greatest care. To find not only contentment with staying home, but rather make them my joy to be around! If I am stuck at home every night with crying babies and toddlers - let me relish in the blessings that they are and be reminded at how fortunate I am to BE AT HOME with my children while many mothers cannot. I need to change my priorities and my perceptions of my circumstances.
And while I know it is time to make these changes - I am neither hesitant nor fearful - but instead, I am over-come with sadness of the wastefulness that has been spent upon other things/people in the past. That regret puts a fire inside of me to not do the same here on out. And for that I am most grateful...
This is my prayer - That God would keep a fire in my belly to search hard after him. That by finding him and daily seeking a relationship, I would be a good steward of my children and my husband. And that being a good steward I would with urgency and faithfulness train up my children in the way they should go, hard after Him... and in the process of training them, be a respectful and obedient wife, supporting with tenderness and affection my husband in all his endeavors. Praying for him, and them, without ceasing - to be a support for them and a place of safe refuge and of wise Biblical counsel. To care for them in wisdom and understanding - to be wise with my time and disciplined in the Word... to be a good friend to those God has called me to be, and to be a loving witness and on-ramp for His glory and sanctification in others lives, saved and unsaved. To be a good and faithful servant of God in all the ways he has called me to be - and to let go of all the worldly poison and toxic friendships and ideals I have succumbed to - to set myself apart from the World and live wholly and holy for Him.